AVSIG: The Guard Police wwswsigarch.jpg (7236 bytes)

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nehoC hctiM
Top Gun


Reged: 08/03/04
Posts: 2293
Loc: LAX Based 10/2016 - Current YA...
The Guard Police
      #417556 - 11/06/15 12:17 PM

Copied from somewhere Canadian:



Guard Police

The steady thrum of the mighty P-dubs drone incessantly into the night. I am almost oblivious to their presence as I maintain my vigil, patrolling 121.5 from Timmins to Toronto like a pacing Doberman. The toothpick rides up front, balanced on my lower lip just above the soul patch, the tip vibrating like a tuning fork. A sudden burst of static flares out of the #2 radio, causing the adrenaline to race madly for a split second before subsiding. The toothpick shoots up like a power antenna and then lays flat once more, waiting patiently for the next intrusion. “Easy, my friend”, I mutter under my breath. “They’ll be back….

“Whas that?” The left seat warmer emerges from behind his papery tent of Globe and Mail, an inquisitive look on his face. “You say sumpin?” I wave him away impatiently and return to the task at hand. You see, chaps, I have no time for such frivolous recreational pursuits such as reading when flying.

My mission is far bolder and my purpose clear: I am a self-trained, highly experienced member of the guard police.

In fact, if the guard police handed out ranks, I would probably be a corporal. To date, I have over 2367 confirmed penalized violations on 121.5, all swiftly punished by my ruthless and relentless curt radio transmission: “YOU’RE ON GUARD!!” These three powerful words smite violators like a scimitar, laying bare your error for all of your peers to judge. No matter if you are a hapless student pilot calling final on the wrong radio, or a chubby corporate flyer calling ahead for a lav dump at the FBO, nobody escapes my swift intervention into your shocking transgression. I consider it a personal travesty that a trained professional could be so irresponsible to transmit on the wrong freq, and delight in clenching the transmit button and snarling my stern correction from my listening post in the Dash. I’m like an AWACS in that sense, gents.

I pause from my post briefly and watch the lights of Sudbury slide by in the inky blackness. Maybe everyone will behave tonight and maintain strict radio protocol after all. I make a routine entry in the guard police black notebook. 2230 local. All is quiet.

And then it happens.

A heavy Korean accent making a position report.

Stammering and stumbling over fuel quantities, time over, next waypoints….and all on 121.5! The mullet curls up in anger like an epic wave, and the toothpick stands straight up at attention, vibrating like a guitar string. My fingers twitch over the mic button, waiting for the horrific crescendo to be complete. Excitement pummels the seat cushion beneath me as the flight deck fills with a gaseous explosion consisting of limburger cheese, baked beans and broccoli. The Left Seat Warmer slumps over, grasping for the wemac, the Globe and Mail flapping feebly like a limp sail!

Silence now, but only for a second. I stab the mic button with a sweaty grasp and howl my protest into the northern Ontario darkness. I bellow my distaste in a hail of abuse and rage. “On guard! On guard! YOU ARE ON GUARDDDDD!!!”

I release the mike and slump back in my seat heavily. Another successful round of punishment issued. I scratch the number with pride in my little black notebook: 2368.

Watch those transmissions out there, blokes. I’ll be listening. Notebook in hand.

--------------------
USA Today said, people over 50 are calmer.


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Scott Dyer [HPN/NY]
Top Gun


Reged: 01/11/03
Posts: 20065
Re: The Guard Police [Re: nehoC hctiM]
      #417568 - 11/06/15 02:29 PM

Amen.

Followed only by the jokesters who go on and on echoing, "GUARDDDDD!!!”.


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nehoC hctiM
Top Gun


Reged: 08/03/04
Posts: 2293
Loc: LAX Based 10/2016 - Current YA...
Re: The Guard Police [Re: Scott Dyer [HPN/NY]]
      #417584 - 11/06/15 06:40 PM

Under "You can't make this stuff up"

Today on 121.5

Hello Guard, this is Piper 12345

ATC wants me to ask you if you hear an elt.

------
No answer.

He repeats it.

Then I hear staticky someone trying to set this old gentleman straight.


Told you, can't make this stuff up.

--------------------
USA Today said, people over 50 are calmer.


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Randy Sohn
Gradn Exlated Ordre of teh Fyling Fingres


Reged: 08/31/01
Posts: 23187
Loc: Savage, MN - U.S.A.
Re: The Guard Police [Re: nehoC hctiM]
      #417585 - 11/06/15 07:15 PM

Quote:

trying to set this old gentleman straight




Mmmmm, was "old" an assumption on your part?

best, randy


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Bill Bridges - 9S1
Top Gun


Reged: 05/17/04
Posts: 6008
Loc: 9S1
Re: The Guard Police [Re: Randy Sohn]
      #417587 - 11/06/15 08:15 PM

"Beeper, Beeper, come up Voice."

The transmission on guard from an ejection seat (I don't know the correct term.)

These guard transmissions Gil and I heard way too many times in SE Asia. I still get cold chills thinking about the ejection seats.

I think all the military guard transmissions were on two forty three zip?

the other bill


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Scott Dyer [HPN/NY]
Top Gun


Reged: 01/11/03
Posts: 20065
Re: The Guard Police [Re: nehoC hctiM]
      #417596 - 11/06/15 10:20 PM

Quote:

Under "You can't make this stuff up"

Today on 121.5

Hello Guard, this is Piper 12345

ATC wants me to ask you if you hear an elt.

------
No answer.

He repeats it.

Then I hear staticky someone trying to set this old gentleman straight.


Told you, can't make this stuff up.




Guy's just a little unclear on the concept....


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B. Butler (Oregonian)
Top Gun


Reged: 05/15/04
Posts: 9760
Loc: Ashland, Oregon
Re: The Guard Police [Re: Bill Bridges - 9S1]
      #417599 - 11/06/15 10:29 PM

Quote:


I think all the military guard transmissions were on two forty three zip?

the other bill




Yeah. Guard is 243.0. that other thing is 121.5. The term "guard" comes from the military receivers being able to hear both the assigned discrete UHF freq and 243.0 simultaneously. Over the decades, untold "wannabe"s and the ill-informed have smeared the concept to include the discrete simplex civil emergency frequency, 121.5.

--------------------
"Why not be a nihilist? A man has to believe in something."
-Bernie Gunther


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nehoC hctiM
Top Gun


Reged: 08/03/04
Posts: 2293
Loc: LAX Based 10/2016 - Current YA...
Re: The Guard Police [Re: Randy Sohn]
      #417600 - 11/06/15 10:34 PM

Quote:

Quote:

trying to set this old gentleman straight




Mmmmm, was "old" an assumption on your part?

best, randy




Yes and yes!!!

I have worked at a circus tent guessing ages for prizes.

Ok, you got me, never have done that but usually a great judge of age by the experience of the voice from my perception and measly fifty six years on this Earth. My guess would be 70-80 ish.


We should test those skills one year at an Avsig gig talk ok? ;)

Mitch

Ps, nothing against age. If anything, much respect deserved.

--------------------
USA Today said, people over 50 are calmer.


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Jeff Hartmann CIC
Top Gun


Reged: 05/18/04
Posts: 7323
Loc: Chico,CA
Re: The Guard Police [Re: nehoC hctiM]
      #417607 - 11/07/15 08:39 AM

More likely from the younger crowd....they scream GUARD, followed by, " any traffic in the area please advise"

(My current copilot uses that phrase....aaauurrgh.)

--------------------
Jeff

nothing clever to say right now...


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Randy Sohn
Gradn Exlated Ordre of teh Fyling Fingres


Reged: 08/31/01
Posts: 23187
Loc: Savage, MN - U.S.A.
Re: The Guard Police [Re: Bill Bridges - 9S1]
      #417609 - 11/07/15 09:13 AM

Quote:

military guard transmissions were on two forty three zip?




Yup, correct, 243 nuth'n.

best, randy


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